Agreement vs. Acceptance: The Perspective of a Christian Counselor
In my two years as a Christian counselor in private practice—and three years before that as a high school counselor who happens to be a Christian—I’ve come to understand something that has deeply shaped the way I show up for my clients and my walk with Christ: Agreement and acceptance are not the same.
And I want to say from the beginning—I know this might stir up mixed feelings. Some may agree with what I’m about to share, others may not. And that’s okay. However, I feel compelled to speak this truth out loud and share how I navigate it in the counseling room—not just for myself, but for others in the Christian counseling community who struggle with how to love well in a world where love is often mistaken for full agreement.
Because here’s what I believe: God has never called us to agree with everyone. But He has called us to love everyone. And that call to love makes all the difference when it comes to understanding the roles we play as therapists, counselors, and Christians.
The Ethical Anchor
“…I don’t come into the therapy session to preach or push my convictions onto others. I come to create a space of safety, authenticity, and healing.”
As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I am bound by a code of ethics. These ethics are not optional. They are guardrails, and they exist to protect the dignity, confidentiality, and autonomy of every client—regardless of whether they share my beliefs. They remind me that while I carry my faith into every space I enter, I also carry a professional responsibility to show respect, empathy, and unconditional positive regard to every client I serve.
That means I don’t come into the therapy session to preach or push my convictions onto others. I come to create a space of safety, authenticity, and healing.
This doesn’t mean I set aside my Christian beliefs. Quite the opposite—my faith is the reason I can sit with people in their pain, hold space for different experiences, and show compassion even when their values do not align with mine. I can accept them as they are without having to fully agree with every part of their lifestyle or choices. And if the client shares the same beliefs (and most of my clients do), I still choose to meet them where they are in their faith, not where I am in mine.
At the same time, ethics also call me to practice discernment. If a client’s needs are outside my scope of practice or if it becomes clear that we’re not a good fit, I have both the right and the responsibility to refer them to someone who may be better equipped to support their journey. That’s not rejection—it’s care. It’s integrity. Because every client deserves a counselor who can walk with them well.
Acceptance Is Not Compromise
One of the most common misunderstandings I’ve seen among believers (and even in society as a whole) is the fear that accepting someone means condoning their choices or agreeing with their beliefs. But here’s the reality: Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. It means empathy. It means compassion. It means, “ I see you. I value you as a person and you are deserving of love.”
When Agreement Becomes a Barrier
The danger in confusing agreement with acceptance is we risk building barriers in the counseling relationship. If a client feels that I can only accept them if I agree with every part of their life, they may begin to shut down, hold back, or emotionally check out. And when trust is broken, true healing becomes much harder.
The Sacred Space of Therapy
One of the greatest honors we have as counselors is being trusted with the most tender parts of someone’s story. That kind of trust requires us to show up with humility, grace, and compassion.
Some of my clients share my faith and even ask for Christian principles to guide our sessions. Others don’t—but they still know who I am. My clients choose me, so I don’t hide my identity or change who I am depending on the client. Even in sessions where faith isn’t the focus, my clients might hear me get excited and say something like, “Praise God, girl! You did that!” And you know what? They don’t get offended—because they know me. They trust me. We’ve built rapport. Just like I don’t flinch when they drop a four-letter word mid-sentence—I know that’s just part of their expression, and session is their safe space.
There’s mutual respect. And I believe they choose me each week because they feel safe enough to be fully themselves, even if we come from different backgrounds or hold different beliefs.
Over the years, I’ve sat with clients from all walks of life—members of the LGBTQ+ community, individuals navigating addiction, teens wrestling with identity, and people who’ve walked away from the Church. And in those moments, my job is not to fix them, change them, or convince them of anything. My role is to be present. To hold space. To listen deeply. To make sure they feel safe, seen, and supported.
I remember praying once, “Lord, how do I serve people whose lives or choices don’t line up with Your Word?”
And I clearly felt Him say, “Focus on the root, not the fruit.”
That moment shifted everything for me.
“Focus on the root, not the fruit.”
Because counseling is sacred work. And I’ve learned that people are much more open to truth when it’s wrapped in compassion—not correction.
It’s also why we, as Christian counselors, must stay mindful of how our personal beliefs show up in the room. Clinically speaking, we’re trained to recognize our biases and ensure they don’t interfere with the client’s healing. I also believe in authenticity. Because being fake does nobody any good. When it’s appropriate, I’ll share a personal story to build connection and remind clients that I’m human too. But I’m careful to make sure those moments are about connection, not persuasion.
We don’t have to water down our convictions to do this. We just need to carry them with humility, self-awareness, and love.
Because the truth is, Jesus didn’t wait for people to change before He loved them.
He loved them into change.
Jesus Modeled It First
When I think about how Jesus walked the earth, I’m struck by how often He moved toward the people others pushed away. He dined with tax collectors, defended the woman caught in adultery, touched those labeled “unclean,” and allowed a prostitute to wash His feet with her hair. Like what?!
Was He always in agreement with their choices? No. But that didn’t stop Him from meeting them in their humanity. He saw them, valued them, and loved them in a way that made room for transformation.
Jesus didn’t require people to change before offering compassion. He loved first—and let truth follow. That’s the kind of love that changes lives.
As counselors, especially those of us who are Christians, this is the model we’re called to follow. Not by compromising our convictions, but by allowing love to guide our posture. By choosing to sit with others, not above them. By creating a space where people feel safe enough to be real, even when their reality looks different than ours.
Acceptance doesn’t mean endorsement. It means, “I see you. I value you. You matter. You are worthy of being heard, healed, and whole.”
Let’s ask ourselves: Are we loving like Jesus in our counseling rooms?
Because when we lead with empathy and hold space with grace, we reflect the heart of Christ—and that’s where real healing begins.
Love Is the Mandate
God’s greatest commandment wasn’t to agree—it was to love Him and love others (Matthew 22:37-39). That is our highest calling. And it can show up in a counseling office through active listening, honoring the client’s lived experience, and extending grace over judgment.
When we show up with acceptance, we reflect the character of Christ.
When we choose empathy over argument, we mirror His gentleness.
And when we commit to ethical care, we steward both our profession and our faith well.
Why This Matters Now More Than Ever
We live in a fallen world. We live in a time when people are desperately craving safe spaces. Spaces where they can show up fully without fear of being shut down, judged, or misunderstood. And the counseling room should always be one of those spaces.
Our clients don’t need us to change our convictions. They need us to hold our convictions with humility and to offer the kind of nonjudgmental support that actually leads to healing.
We must be mindful that the way we carry our faith matters just as much as what we believe. If we aren’t careful, we can allow our disagreement to become a barrier to connection. And once that connection is gone, the opportunity for meaningful therapeutic work often goes with it.
The Counselor’s Balancing Act
Holding space for acceptance while staying true to your beliefs isn’t easy. It’s the delicate dance of being in the world but not of it. But I’ve learned that this is where God does some of His best work—in the tension.
We’re not compromising by accepting others. We’re modeling grace.
We’re not endorsing every choice. We’re affirming every person’s value to be loved by God. Who are we to choose who receives His love and who doesn’t?
And we’re not less Christian because we choose compassion over correction in the counseling room. We’re being exactly who God has called us to be.
Final Encouragement
To my fellow Christian counselors, if you’ve been feeling torn—between your ethics and your faith, between your convictions and your compassion—take a deep breath. There is space for both. You can be a faithful Christian and a respectful, ethical clinician.
To my fellow Christians who are looking for a safe space to process life. There’s safe space here for you. Know that it’s ok to love Jesus and need therapy, too.
To all my fellow humans, whether in the Christian faith or outside of it. There’s a safe space for you, too. Know that you are deserving of love and to be valued right where you are.
I like to say, “It’s written in the script.” “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 KJV (Emphasis added)
📩 Email me at karen@gacounselingservices.org or visit www.gacounselingservices.org to learn more about how I support Christian women navigating life, motherhood, and ministry with grace and truth.
You don’t have to carry the weight alone. Let’s grow together in wisdom, compassion, and purpose—one session, one prayer, one client at a time. 💛
About the Author
Karen Lanxon is a Christian therapist, wife, and mom of three with a heart for helping women and families thrive. With over 20 years of experience serving youth and families through education, foster care, and ministry—and now more than two years in private practice—Karen brings both wisdom and warmth to her counseling work. Known by colleagues and clients as “the laughing therapist,” she creates a welcoming space rooted in compassion, authenticity, and acceptance. Her mission is to help others rediscover purpose, embrace grace, and walk confidently in every season of life.
