Discipline and Love: A Christian Parent’s Guide
As parents, we know one thing for sure: this parenting thing does not come with a handbook. Sure, there are countless books, blogs, and theories about how to raise children—gentle parenting, authoritative parenting, attachment parenting, and everything in between. But when it comes down to it, most of us are just trying to figure it out as we go.
For Christian parents, though, we do have a guide—the Bible. And while scripture gives us wisdom and principles to follow, it doesn’t always give us a clear, step-by-step plan for how to discipline our children in every situation. That’s where things can feel a little blurry.
Some of us grew up with parents who quoted scriptures as threats rather than tools for guidance. This may have caused some to vow, “I’ll never raise my children the way I was raised.” And now, with so many new parenting theories competing for our attention, it’s easy to wonder: Which one is right? How do I discipline my child in a way that honors God and shows love?
Let’s take a closer look at a verse that often stirs up debate:
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
(Proverbs 13:24, NIV)
What Does “The Rod” Really Mean?
For many, the word rod immediately brings to mind corporal punishment—a belt, a switch, or a hand. And yes, for some parents, discipline does involve physical consequences, and there are moments when an appropriate spanking may be needed. However, I do not write this blog to tell you whether or not you should spank your child, but I want to challenge you to think a little deeper here.
The “rod” doesn’t necessarily have to mean a literal or specific object. In scripture, the rod was often a symbol of guidance and authority. Shepherds used rods to guide their sheep gently—not to harm them, but to keep them on the right path.
So when Proverbs says that sparing the rod is the same as hating your child, the message is this: refusing to discipline or guide your child is not love. Real love takes the time to correct, redirect, and teach. Discipline is not about punishment—it’s about training, and well….discipline.
Discipline and Love Go Hand-in-Hand
The second part of the verse is just as important as the first part: “the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
That word careful is powerful. It doesn’t mean walking on eggshells or living in fear that your child will “call the police” if you discipline them. It means being mindful and intentional about how you correct your children.
Discipline without love becomes harsh. But discipline with love becomes guidance.
As parents, we need to check our motives before disciplining:
Am I correcting out of anger, frustration, or embarrassment?
Or am I correcting out of a desire to teach and help my child grow?
If it’s the first, it’s better to pause, breathe, and return to the situation when you’re calm. Because discipline done in anger almost always wounds, while discipline done in love corrects and builds up.
What Discipline Might Look Like
Every child is different. What works for one might not work for another, even within the same family. That’s why I encourage parents to become students of their children: learn about their personalities, needs, strengths, and weaknesses.
Discipline can take different forms:
Natural consequences: Letting your child experience the results of their actions (e.g., if they don’t study, they get a poor grade).
Loss of privileges: Taking away screen time, social outings, or something they enjoy.
Redirection: Guiding them toward better choices by showing them alternatives.
Corporal punishment: For some, a spanking may be a chosen form of discipline. But if you choose to use it, it should never be done in anger, and it should not be overused to prevent abuse.
No matter which approach you use, the key is the same: it must be done in love.
How to Discipline with Love
Here are a few guiding principles that I often share with parents (and practice myself):
Calm Yourself First
Never discipline in the heat of anger. Step away, breathe, pray if you need to. You can’t teach self-control if you’re out of control yourself.Communicate Clearly
Explain to your child why they’re being disciplined. Children need to connect actions with consequences to learn.Affirm Your Love
Before and after discipline, reassure your child of your love. Say things like, “I want you to know I love you too much to allow you to think your choices are ok,” or “I’m correcting you because I care about your future.”Be Consistent
Children thrive on structure. If you discipline sometimes but let things slide other times, it sends mixed messages. Consistency builds security.Model What You Teach
Our children learn just as much from watching us as they do from listening to us. If we want them to respect us, we must also show respect. If we want them to control their emotions, we must practice controlling ours.
The Bigger Picture
At the end of the day, discipline is not about punishment—it’s about discipleship. The root word of discipline is disciple, which is a person who is a student or one being taught. Our role as parents is not just to stop bad behavior, but to guide our children toward becoming who God has called them to be.
Yes, we will miss the mark sometimes. Yes, we’ll discipline imperfectly. But even in that, God’s grace fills the gaps.
Remember this: your children don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one. They need discipline rooted in love, consistency, and grace.
So whether you lean more toward gentle parenting, corporal punishment, or a mix of methods, the goal isn’t to follow the “perfect formula.” The goal is to discipline in a way that reflects the heart of God—firm, consistent, but always loving.
Final Encouragement
Parenting is hard. Discipline is harder. But you don’t have to do it alone. The same God who entrusted your children to you will equip you to guide them. So the next time you face a discipline challenge, pause, ask for God’s wisdom, and ask yourself: Am I doing this in love? If the answer is yes, you’re right where God wants you to be.
💛 Parenting isn’t about getting it perfect—it’s about being present, prayerful, and intentional. If you’ve been wrestling with guilt or uncertainty about discipline, I’d love to help. Schedule a consultation so we can chat about how my services can support, encourage, and provide you with practical tools rooted in both faith and grace.
